Harry's Journal
by ArwenMGranger
Summary: Harry's been feeling depressed, REALLY depressed, so he has desided to vent through a muggle journal. (Suisidal themes, will contain slash later)
1. Harry's Rant

Disclaimer, I do not own Harry Potter or Sherlock Holmes, WAAAAAAA! But that doesn't mean that I don't which I did! ;- 

Ps. Doyle is refering to Sir Arthur Connan Doyle author of Sherlock Holmes.

Dear Doyle,

I don't know why I'm calling you this, I mean you're a journal and I should be starting off as such not to a random author I found of a book I like, but well I find it easier to write this way, as if I'm writing to a person. Anyway…. Ranting time. There is one very big problem with thinking of suicide once is that it keeps coming back to you, haunting your conscious and subconscious thoughts for, well I've never stopped thinking about it since.

You know I hate those people who say that it's selfish to take your own life, because we DO think about other people at the time. I mean take me as the most available example. I was there thinking about killing myself, staring at the bleach I was using to clean the bathroom trying to find reasons, people, to live for, and I know for a fact that others are the same. But I suppose I was lucky though, 'cause when _I_ first stopped and thought, I found something, a shinning beacon on the horizon to look forward to. High School. Even though my life was hell on earth and there was nothing that was worth living for at the time, I realised that when I went to high scool, I would be free or as free as I could be. With Dudley going to Smeltings, I could make friends at last and he wouldn't be there with his gang 'harry hunting'. It was worth living for.

And well I decided to live, to look forward to the that day and try to forget that this ever happened - and as you can see from me being here today I got the first part ok, it's just a shame about the last bit.

Anyway I must be off, I've got Potins homework to do, and I don't think Snape would like 'I'm sorry I haven't done my homework sir but I just wanted write my suisidal rant down instead.' See you,

Harry.


	2. Rant cont and Humour

See 1st chapter for disclaimer - they're still not mine sob!

Dear Doyle,

You'd be amazed at the amount of stuff in 'the home' that you can kill yourself with really. Knives, bleach, all sorts of other cleaning fluids, glass objects etc. and they're just the muggle items - depressing really. All those things are kind of hard to escape from when your in the mood - you end up staring at them. It's normally the first sign for me that things have built up too much again, that I need to pick myself up again.If I don't I tend to get to the 'list stage' and, well, I don't like being there. Listing the things I live for, 'cause it's a scarilly short list: Ron, Hermione, the Weasleys, the D.A., and well I suppose the prophesy should be there too. Not long is it?

I mean, at times I think it would be a relief to live in a nice padded room (though I would prefer them to be coloured - I don't like white!) it would remove all temptation after all. You know at times it's almost like a visual tug of war? Take washing up for an easy example. You're there washing up one of the kitchen knives and you end up staring at it, running the blade against your thumb without even noticing - then your brain catches up and you end up trying to look away and yet it keeps drawing your eyes to it... Annoying really. Hell at times I find myself doing it and didn't even realise that i had been feeling_ that _deepressed! Huh! Imagine the Orders faces!

Anyway, sorry that this has dropped into the depressing again - on a lighter note, I've finnished Snape's work (the ONLY teacher to set some after the OWLs) and have started to compile a list of things that Snape would never do.What can I say it keeps my mind off stuff. Here's the start of it -

1) Be nice

2) Wash his hair

3) Not give homework after A lesson

4) Congratulate the class for something well done

5) Be kind to Neville

6) Just be kind to Gryffindors in general

7) Be polite

8) Give a Slytherin a detention

9) Be nasty to a Slytherin

10) Dress in any colour but black - namely pink

11) Dress in womens cloths

12) Hell dress nicely

13) Look good

14) Look sexy

15) Tell Malfoy to go do something personal with a pinapple.

As you can see Doyle, they'll never **_EVER_** happen! On this light note I'll see you later,

Bye Doyle,

Harry


End file.
